My Math Dilemma

This is Lynne. My house is clean (thanks to Keisha), the dishes are done, all but two loads of laundry are done, all my have to do today list is done, and I am actually thinking about school. I learned not too long ago that I am going to have to teach math as part of my schedule this next year. I have avoided it as long as I can. I brought home the teacher math book in an effort to learn it and a friend (Lynn) loaned me her homeschool math book but the block in my brain continues. When it comes to anything beyond adding, subtracting, multiplying, or dividing (the last two being questionable) I draw a blank. People tell me that "I am not trying hard enough" or "I could if I just put more effort into it" or "Can't never could do anything". I have heard them all but it doesn't change the fact that I just don't understand math. It is that illusive foreign language that I can't seem to grasp. I can remember telephone numbers of people, places, etc after they are told to me one time. I do sudoku puzzles for relaxation. I can quickly add and subtract multiple numbers in my head. All of that has to do with numbers but when you throw in x, y, and z and tell me that I have to accept that this long drawn out process ends up with the letter actually being a number I get lost. (In fact as I type that last sentence out, I find myself drifting in my thoughts). In college, I took college algebra twice. The first time I made a 50 in the class so with determination that I was going to graduate no matter what I went after it a second time. I attended class every time, I had two tutors that gave up on me, Jeff even tried to tutor me (and I think if he hadn't quit tutoring me then we wouldn't have gotten married), and finally I begged the professor for a D in the class. When grades actually came out after graduation I discovered I had actually made a 20 in the class. It takes real talent to go from bad to worse in a class. Now I am faced with teaching special ed classes math lessons. Will the torture never end!!!! :) I guess I have put off my lessons for as long as I can so with a heavy heart I leave you so that I may attend to my math book. Thank goodness I am the teacher so I do have the answers not that it helps me to understand it. Have a glorious day!!!!! :)